Potholes Over Paintings: How Welland
Perfected the Art of Artwashing
Nothingness

By James Takeo, Welland, Ont.

Why Welland Simply Can’t Have an Arts and Culture Scene
Ah, Welland. A city perfectly poised to not have an arts and culture scene. Some may dream of murals, galleries, and live performances breathing life into our streets, but let’s not kid
ourselves. Welland's socioeconomic environment is tailor-made for ensuring that creative ambitions remain comfortably buried beneath layers of pragmatism and neglect. Allow me to
explain why.
Disposable Income? Try Disposable Hopes
In Welland, many residents are too busy deciding between paying the hydro bill or buying groceries to worry about supporting a poetry slam or attending a gallery opening. Disposable
income is a mythical creature here, like a unicorn or a fully functioning downtown. Why spend money on tickets to a play when you can enjoy the free spectacle of pothole repair attempts on East Main Street?
Arts Funding: The Great White Whale
Funding for the arts? Let’s just say it’s about as abundant as free parking downtown. Sure, there’s money for consultants to draw up expensive plans for things we’ll never do, but when it
comes to supporting the local arts? Crickets. Don’t worry though—artists are really good at working for “exposure.” That totally pays the rent.
Infrastructure: If You Build It... Oh Wait, We Didn’t Build It
What Welland lacks in theaters and galleries, it makes up for in...well, empty storefronts and a mall that’s more of a social experiment than a retail hub. Without dedicated spaces for art and culture, we’re left to improvise. Perhaps we could host an art exhibit in the Walmart parking lot or stage a play in the abandoned Zellers. It’s all about thinking outside the box—or building, in this case.
Education: Because Who Needs It?
Arts education? Pfft. Who has time for that when we could be focusing on “practical” subjects that prepare students for the exciting local job market of minimum-wage positions? Let’s face it: teaching kids to appreciate theater or painting isn’t going to help them compete for a spot at the Tim Hortons drive-thru.
Priorities: Potholes Over Paintings
Let’s not forget that Welland has real problems. Housing shortages, infrastructure decay, and economic stagnation are the name of the game. Who cares about murals when there’s a
sinkhole to fix? Besides, nothing says “cultural renaissance” like a freshly paved road to nowhere.
Business Sponsorships: A Pie in the Sky
Local businesses could theoretically sponsor the arts, but why would they do that when they can invest in safer bets, like Christmas decorations or more flags? Besides, what’s the ROI on
sponsoring an art exhibit? Exposure? Please, leave that to the artists.
Proximity to Cultural Giants
Why try to compete with places like St. Catharines or Niagara Falls, which already have thriving arts and culture scenes? Welland residents can always hop in their cars (if they’re working) and head out of town for their cultural fix. Who needs local creativity when the big city is just a 20-minute drive away?
The Conclusion: Let’s Embrace the Void!
Instead of lamenting our lack of an arts scene, let’s lean into it. Welland doesn’t need arts and culture when we have crumbling bridges, ill-timed construction, and a rich tradition of doing the
absolute bare minimum to foster creativity. Who needs a thriving cultural ecosystem when we can keep relying on doing the same old thing, and hoping it'll be different?
So, let’s raise a glass to Welland, a city where the arts come to dream...and stay asleep. Why change what’s clearly working?